Whatever happened to post

M: Jazzy, can you turn down the TV for a sec?
Jazzy: I could...
M: Ok. Well, will you?
Jazzy: Seems unlikely.
M: Come on. It's important. We need to talk about next door's mail.
Jazzy: Next door don't get any mail.
M: Yes, that's what Mr Burrow's worried about...they were expecting a package.
Jazzy: Talk to the postman.
M: We did.
Jazzy: Then you know he's a fraud.
M:...
Jazzy: I never heard back from the North Pole.
M:...
Jazzy: I signed for it, so it's mine.

Jane Austen comebacks

“At first you seemed like an arrogrant arsehole, but then I thought I was wrong about you. But then I realised I have good instincts.”

“If Mr Collins, Lady Catherine De Bourgh and Caroline Bingley had a party, it would be this.”

“I'll play the pianoforte at your funeral.”

“I think I saw your true love out in that storm! Yes- keep going! He's definitely out there...”

"I don't date people that take my inheritance. As a rule."

"Yes, I'm a great reader. It keeps me from dying of small talk."