Second warning

Police: Sorry to interrupt, but we're investigating a series of threatening notes left in the area.

Me: Oh god. 

Police: We believe it may just be a prank gone wrong.

Me: Oh?

Police: They all read “Tell me what you did last summer.”

Jazzy: And people were scared by that?

Police: Yes.

Jazzy: Hmm...I should've said please shouldn't I?

Police: …..

Me: …..

Jazzy: I was looking for holiday recommendations!

Police: Frankly, that is a baffling use of postcards. And I had my money on you. That'll be a fine and a warning, I'm afraid.

Me: *furious silence*

Jazzy: Come on! People normally can't shut up about holidays... I just don't like the actual talking.

Unicorn and the Easter Bunny

Jazzy: What noise are rabbits meant to make?
Me: They don't. They just wiggle their noses.
Jazzy: Weird. This one snores.
Me: Who the hell is that?!
Jazzy: He said he's the Easter Bunny.
Me: That's a man in a rabbit onesie - get him out of here!
Jazzy: I was suspicious.
Me: So you invited him to sleep on our sofa?
Jazzy: Forgive me for having an imagination...
Me: GOD. JAZZY.
Jazzy: Well, I made him hop the whole way.
Easter Bunny: Urgh. So much noise...
Jazzy: He wobbled a bit. But I thought that was the drinking.

Fine wines

M: I feel old. Not old old. Just not exactly young.

Jazzy: You know I heard someone on TV say something about...aging like a fine wine.

M: Hmm...

Jazzy: Yeh. You just stick it in a cabinet until it turns up on Cash in the Attic.

Boyfriend meets unicorn

M: Ok- you wanted to meet my boyfriend. So he's coming over for dinner in a bit.

Jazzy: Finally.

M: Be nice.

Jazzy: O-k. Did you tell him to be nice too?

M: He is. And that's him- Eric!

Jazzy: You don't look like an Eric.

Eric: Cheers. You look um...very sparkly.

Jazzy: Want to play a game, Eric?

Eric: Sure.

M: …..

Eric: Ah, you're getting the light in my eyes!

Jazzy: You're meant to chase it. He's not very quick, is he?

M: Jazzy, Put. The torch. Down. 

Jazzy: This is why cats are a better option.

Pokemon: the final stage

Professor Oak: Ash, I'm concerned.

Ash Ketchum: Don't be professor, it's just my battle wrist acting up.

Professor Oak: Of course. I was actually referring to your lifestyle.

Ash: I got a bit caught up in the quest, huh?

Professor: Well, violently so, yes...

Ash: But I did it, Professor. I caught them all. I am THE Pokemon master.

Professor: Ah, that. Ash, you were very young when we first talked about quests. I regret that now-

Ash: It's ok. The pressure and the extreme independence got me here-

Professor: No, not that. You were very literal.

Ash: …

Professor: Impressionable. When I said all of the Pokemon-

Ash: But look around! Look at it.

Professor: You've created a ball pit. A massive, volatile ball pit. Do you even know which Pokemon are which?

Ash: Yes! We know every Pokemon that ever lived, right Brock?

Professor: Brock left two weeks ago. After you chased him with a harpoon in your sleep.

Ash: Oh. Fine. Pikachu will celebrate with me. Pikachu? Pikachu!

Professor: He's under that pile somewhere, isn't he? Masterful.

Family anecdon't

M: Jazzy, I'm having some family over this weekend.
Jazzy: Well, hooray for you.
M: I know yours are the other side of the rainbow...
Jazzy: Yours can't even sing a rainbow.
M: See- I think it might be best if you were out...doing something distracting...
Jazzy: Oh, so I'm not even allowed in my own house anymore.
M: It's not your-
Jazzy: You invited me to stay, didn't you?
M: Actually, I...
Jazzy: And your brother? He gets to be in the house?
M: He'll be here, yes.
Jazzy: The one that tried to ride me?
M: I said I was sorry. He's an idiot. And you didn't have to gallop through that hedge, you know.
Jazzy: I couldn't hear your directions over the screaming.

Unicorns are real

Neighbour: WHOA- I didn't think unicorns existed...
Jazzy: Did you know that you're talking out loud?
Neighbour: You talk!
Jazzy: And gore mercilessly.