Rum is about to have a bad day

Rum: Oh. Hi.

Me: Hey there. How’re you doing?

Rum: What day is this?

Me: Tuesday.

Rum: I don’t normally do Tuesdays.

Me: And we’ve been missing out, my friend. We’re going to do Tuesdays from now on, big-time.

Rum: Ok, cool. We going out? Who’s coming?

Me: Nah. We don’t need people. Tuesdays are Choose Days. And I choose you!

Rum: Right…

Me: Ooh. Ooh. Let’s toast. *gulps* To the guy who’s been with me since Christmas (in the back of that cupboard), tastes grrr-eat with mint, and makes me feel like a pir-ate…

Rum: There’s someone else in here, isn’t there?

White wine: *muffled* Shut up, man. I won’t last the night.

Me: TO RUM!