Jane Austen comebacks

“At first you seemed like an arrogrant arsehole, but then I thought I was wrong about you. But then I realised I have good instincts.”

“If Mr Collins, Lady Catherine De Bourgh and Caroline Bingley had a party, it would be this.”

“I'll play the pianoforte at your funeral.”

“I think I saw your true love out in that storm! Yes- keep going! He's definitely out there...”

"I don't date people that take my inheritance. As a rule."

"Yes, I'm a great reader. It keeps me from dying of small talk."

Fancy Snacks

Me: Jazzy, are you ready?
Jazzy: Hold on!
Me: Wait, are you in the kitchen? Come on, we were meant to be there ages ago...What're you doing?
Jazzy: Finishing my costume.
Me: ...I thought we were going as snack food.
Jazzy: Ta-da.
Me: You're covered in icing sugar.
Jazzy: I'm sweet-corn!
Me: Great. I'm going to be a pretzel next to baking-gone-wrong.

Unicorns and football

Jazzy: OFFSIDE.

M: No, it’s not.

Jazzy: Yes, it is. It’s off the side.

M: That’s not what offside means, Jazzy…

Jazzy: Lalalalalala.

M: Offside is when the opposing team pass-

Jazzy: Lalalalala.

M: - past the… Oh, fine. I’m going to get a biscuit.

Jazzy: OFFSIDE. 

New dictionary words 2015

Throwned. 

verb. : For those moments when the Game of Thrones gets played exceptionally well. Outstanding work with the betrayal, guys.
 

Prosbeque.

Origin : Prospect. Barbeque. Noun. : No-one say anything. The sun appears to be coming towards us. If we stand close enough, there could be hotdogs. "I might have everyone over for a prosbeque. Oh shit, too soon."
 

Hatlantis.

Noun. : The realm that summer hats escape to when they've had enough. Synonyms: back of the wardrobe, under the bed, some dry cave somewhere.

 

Unicornucopia.

Noun. : A land of polite, good-natured unicorns; far from reality.