Landscaping

Jazzy: Sometimes you just have to let nature take its course...
M: That's very zen- and unrelated- of you.
*sound of rushing water*
M: Did you leave the hose on?
Jazzy: No.
M: *looking out window* DID YOU DIG A TRENCH?
Jazzy: Oh. Yes.
M: Holy hell, that's meant to be a stream, isn't it?
Jazzy: Sometimes you have to help nature.
M: That's not natural!
Jazzy: Ssssh. You'll hurt the fishes' feelings.
M: You put fish in there?!
*grabs bucket and runs*

Unicorn meets Boyfriend 2

Jazzy: How would you feel if I called you Pinky?
Eric: Why would you do that?
Jazzy: We went to a petting zoo and I liked the name.
Eric: Maybe next time you'll be left there.
Jazzy: Calm down, Pinky.

Unicorn for PM

Jazzy: How do I enter next year?
M: Enter?
Jazzy: The election.
M: Umm. I'm not sure unicorns are eligible to run.
Jazzy: Of course I can run!
M: And with your police record...
Jazzy: So I can be a criminal but not a politician?
M: No, no, you can be both.
Jazzy: *nods*
M: Well, maybe not you.
Jazzy: We'll see.

ONE MONTH LATER

Jazzy: *starts Kickstarter campaign* And so if you back me for the next election, you can pick from a unicorn plushie or your dreams coming true.

Election preferences

M: Why're you cutting up the newspaper? It's not another nest is it?
Jazzy: No. I'm working out who to vote for.
M: How?
Jazzy: I'm finding pictures of all the candidates...
M: ...
Jazzy: And cutting them out...
M: ...
Jazzy: And ranking them in order of taste.
M: You're licking them like stamps? But why don't you just read the articles on their policies and-
Jazzy: *slurp*
M: Actually, is that 'The Sun'? Your way will work fine.

How do you vote?

Jazzy; So then you put the X on the paper?
M: Yes
Jazzy: And you hide it in a box?
M: We don't hide-
Jazzy: Like pirates.
M: No, for anonymity and security, not like pirates.
Jazzy: Well not in any of the cool ways.
M: What are the cool ways exactly?
Jazzy: What's the treasure?
M: It's not treasure. It's the democratic process and having your voice heard.
Jazzy: Exactly...

Unicorn and the meet-cute

Jazzy: So how did you two meet?
Eric: Well-
M: I veto that question.
Jazzy: It took three Garden Centre trips to get you a cactus.
M: Because you road-tested them by jousting and I-
Eric: We met speed-dating, actually.
Jazzy: Right, right. Small doses.

Changing the channel

M: Can we change the channel?
Jazzy: *holds up hooves*
M: Sorry, I'll change it. Where's the big remote?
Jazzy: *holds up hooves*
M: Ok, I'll look for it later. How was your day?
Jazzy: *holds up hooves*
M: You can't just keep doing that!
Jazzy: *shrugs*

Glowing Part 2

M: So you're glowing because...?
Jazzy: I'm happy, of course.
M: Awwww, oh Jazzy. I'm so glad. I know it's been an adjustment for us both but I think we've finally settled into a routine and- wait, you've stopped glowing.
Jazzy: I'm out of ice cream.

Glowing Part 1

M: Did you forget to turn off the lights in the kitchen agai- whoa, you're glowing!
Jazzy: Unicorns can do that.
M: But...why?
Jazzy: Do I ask you why your knees make that creaky sound?
M: Yes. Except you asked me if I was Pinocchio.

Second warning

Police: Sorry to interrupt, but we're investigating a series of threatening notes left in the area.

Me: Oh god. 

Police: We believe it may just be a prank gone wrong.

Me: Oh?

Police: They all read “Tell me what you did last summer.”

Jazzy: And people were scared by that?

Police: Yes.

Jazzy: Hmm...I should've said please shouldn't I?

Police: …..

Me: …..

Jazzy: I was looking for holiday recommendations!

Police: Frankly, that is a baffling use of postcards. And I had my money on you. That'll be a fine and a warning, I'm afraid.

Me: *furious silence*

Jazzy: Come on! People normally can't shut up about holidays... I just don't like the actual talking.

Unicorn and the Easter Bunny

Jazzy: What noise are rabbits meant to make?
Me: They don't. They just wiggle their noses.
Jazzy: Weird. This one snores.
Me: Who the hell is that?!
Jazzy: He said he's the Easter Bunny.
Me: That's a man in a rabbit onesie - get him out of here!
Jazzy: I was suspicious.
Me: So you invited him to sleep on our sofa?
Jazzy: Forgive me for having an imagination...
Me: GOD. JAZZY.
Jazzy: Well, I made him hop the whole way.
Easter Bunny: Urgh. So much noise...
Jazzy: He wobbled a bit. But I thought that was the drinking.